Sunday, July 30, 2006

a saturday morning @ work

my Director came to town since Thursday,... usually when he is around, one can easily sense his presence (he is mostly not in KL, say 95% of the time). the air will somehow be different, u can just feel the tension mounting, breathe the anxiety emitted by my fellow colleagues...

i was called in to his office today, & as we stood there, leaning against the window pane (dont ask me why we didnt sit down & discuss - coz i also dont know - probably he just felt like it) going through some of the major deals the Company is in the midst of negotiating & studying some agreements... i felt just so small. intimidated. inferior. insecure. it again highlights the point of how little i know.

he is a knowledgeable man. he was the one who "offered" me the opportunity to do something different, from what i have been doing these 4 years with this Company. yet, this change of job portfolio sparked off a lot of "fireworks" in the office. some senior people got offended, feeling that i have jumped the queue. others felt with the change, i have messed up the whole system of how the department is being run.

well there was no increment or promotion on my part, something which i dont expect as well. mainly bcoz i m doing something totally new to me, i m just an amateur. but i was/am forced to learn fast. no time for me to begin from zero, i have to start at 100mph.

so, back to this morning's session with my Director. often i found i could just tell him a one-worded answer "Yes" or at most three "I dont know". sigh!

& also, often i find myself caught in between him & my CFO. both are big shots in the Company, both are more senior, but both have different views & styles. ahhh! the joy of office politics...

p/s: oh, did i forget to mention that my Director is still a bachelor at 50? single, available, filthy rich... an australian-born-chinese. hmmm.... no wonder each time i stepped out of his room i could just hear the 'gossips' going around the grapevines, especially when people know he wants me to go work with him in Jakarta (which i have declined politely three times to-date)

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Double Ds - Dad & durians

it's a wonder how a simple act of eating durians could bring back so much memories...

when i was very young, i hated durians. my family loved the fruit, in fact everyone around seems to go ga-ga over that prickly fruit. i simply don't & won't understand what they love about durians.

everytime Dad brought back durians, i would hide in the corner. i just did not want anything to do with it, no, thanks. they would all gather around, usually squatting on the floor, watching Dad or Mum open up that 'special' treat with a screwdriver or a blunt knife. everyone seems so eager, so excited. my brother and sister would act like they havent eaten for days! they dug right in... everybody, except me.
when they tried to tempt or coax me... i'd simply pout and clamp my mouth shut. eww! no way, i m gonna eat it! if they force me - i'd just cry.

somehow, one day, i had one try... & had never looked back ever since. my Dad would say i have a "talent" of eating durians, to the extent he started to nickname me "Squirrel". squirrels love durians, they always manage to get the best fruits! u know, chunky yellow flesh, neither too dry or too wet, with oh-so-small seeds (& i guess, i still do have this gift intact after all these years). just the thought of it makes me salivate! yes, i m the "Squirrel" in the house.

it has been a while now... 10 years... no, more than that, maybe 20.

& last week, when we stopped to buy some durians at a roadside stall, the memories came back. tears welled up in my eyes, & again i relived the memories of my childhood, the memories of my Dad. i didnt care i was out on the street, my tears just came...

Dad, i miss u...