Each of these writings came about for its own reasons, collectively they are musings linked by my fascination with fate, choice, chance, faith, forgiveness, forgetting, freedom of expression, appeasement through prayers, adherence to rituals, trolling for miracles, pursuit of happiness... (Amy Tan - The Other Side of Faith)
Life's bittersweetness is like this glass of 4-layer tea, one's incomplete without the other, ccomplementing one another. To enjoy my rainbow, I need to experience the rain, and even perhaps go through a storm like the stirring of the drink. It will be a sweet ending nevertheless, once I get over the bitterness. And I will be okay.
Just came back from the first step of settling the big task I mentioned about yesterday - spent about half an hour crying my heart out and chatting with bestie, took a nice long shower, and here I am. I feel better now. I know the road ahead may not be all smooth and straight, but I am prepared - anywhere worth going is worth the journey. And I know I am heading to the right direction. A leap over the hurdle, a skip to escape the mud, a climb up the tough slope... soon I will be there, as long as I don't give up and I won't.
To cheer myself up, went for a hair cut this morning.
Before - my last haircut was half a year ago
After - with shorter bangs and more layered sides & back. Sorry if I scared you with those dark eyed circles, didn't sleep too well last night.
The stylist suggested that I do a setting perm - but I guess I will only do that later. May need some more hair-venly therapy later, if the going gets tough or otherwise to celebrate. Hmmm...maybe I'd just go with the idea to give myself a birthday present 3 months down the road :)
Will be back soon to share about my recent trip, stay tuned!
With the uncertainty of global economy and the increasing challenge to do business, many organisations resort to cost cutting measures to stay in business whilst maintaining, if not, increasing net profit.
Most often than not, when cost cutting is involved, first to be on the chopping board is personnel cost. Coming from a finance background, this is the scenario that we often observe.
With that as the background of this post, (I know I know, I seldom blog so 'seriously')...let's move on to the gist.
My Head of Dept approached me today and passed me a letter. *suspense* Oh, it's the letter from HR stating our annual increment for the year. This is early, usually we will only get this in June (financial year end is March). Well, it could only be good. And by good, it far exceeds my own expectations. I am thankful, and am glad that my hard work was noticed and rewarded.
Thank You, Lord! Never lacking, never too much, always enough.
Well...one 'battle' won, another to go - bonus! I am not sure how much I will be getting, as we do not have contractual bonus, but I am guessing, hoping it won't be too bad.
If you are to rank your 2012 - from a score of 10 (with 10 being the ultimate best), what would it be?
Personally, I would give it a 7 out of 10. It wasn't a bad year but not the best yet.
On the plus side - I had a promotion at work. I had managed to travel a fair bit. Health is ok, except for the usual migraines and occasional abdomen pain (ultrasound said I am all good), slightly overweight (too lazy to exercise still!) and consequentially (slightly) higher cholesterol /triglyceride level. My family's all well. I have got myself a new car and a new lens for my DSLR. Managed to complete writing two books on the side (my freelance assignments). Made some new friends...and lost some 'fake' ones one the way, I hope. There are many more things that I am thankful for... and I learned (and am still learning) to be thankful EVERYDAY.
On the minus side - Didn't really do a resolution-thingy but there are things in mind which I had wanted to accomplish - two of which I still had yet to make it last year. Well, this year...I hope, again. Next, I am still single/available (well, this could be both a plus and a minus, depending). I still cry when I think of the past, I don't know when I will stop crying - maybe another 5 years down the road?
Anyway, on the last day of the year a fellow colleague sent me the email below, and I was truly encouraged by it.
This year my friend was diagnosed with cancer & during our prayer meeting she prayed this: Dear Lord, it has been a challenging year for me this year & I hope that next year will be a better one. If out of 1 to 10 & 10 is good, 1 is bad and 2012 has been 1 to 3 for you, let's pray it will be a better year next year. If 2012 has been 7 to 10 for you, let's hope we will have the wisdom & strength to overcome any challenges that may lie ahead next year.
What about you? How was your 2012? Is it a 1 out of 10? 2? 3? Hope yours was at least a 7 or better. And if it wasn't - let's march into 2013 with fresh hope and perseverance.
In less than 2 hours, as the clock strikes 12 midnight - another year has gone by. It had been another whirlwind year with its fair share of ups and downs. On most parts, my life had been better though there are still things/issues I struggle with. I believe it will be better in the coming year. Hope fuels our lives, and as long as we do not lose sight, some day we will see what we envision to come true.
Personally this is an emotional day for me. A day when I am reflecting whether I have lived a life worthy of Him.
As I think and reflect – my mind travels to that scene on the Calvary…
When I gaze upon the cross
I see the thorns on His crown
And the nails in His wrists
I wonder who put Him there
Then I look at my hand
And I see the hammer in my grip
Then God reminded me – nothing I had done made Him love me less and nothing I can do will make Him love me more – His love for me had always been unconditional, had never changed and will never change. He had loved me from the beginning and He will love me to the end.
As I was reading online last night, I stumbled upon this song “You Love Me Anyway” by Sidewalk Prophets and these words captured me:
The question was raised
As my conscience fell
A silly, little lie
It didn’t mean much
But it lingers still
In the corners of my mind
Still you call me to walk
On the edge of this world
To spread my dreams and fly
But the future’s so far
My heart is so frail
I think I’d rather stay inside
But You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known
Yes You love me anyway
With that my spirit was lifted up once again, as my heart warmed to the embrace of His love.
Lord, thank You! Thank You for Your love, thank You for setting me free to soar.
I wanna remember You...every day. Not just on Good Friday.
The question was raised As my conscience fell A silly little lie It didn't mean much But it lingers still In the corners of my mind Still you call me to walk On the edge of this world To spread my dreams and fly But the future's so far My heart is so frail I think I'd rather stay inside
But You love me anyway It's like nothing in life That I've ever known Yes You love me anyway Oh Lord, how You love me How you love me
It took all of my strength To simply be still To seek but never find The reasons we change The reasons I doubt And Why do loved ones have to die?
I am the thorn in your crown But You love me anyway I am the sweat from Your brow But You love me anyway I am the nail in Your wrist But You love me anyway I am Judas' kiss But You love me anyway See now I am the man who yelled out from the crowd For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground Yes then I turned away with a smile on my face With this sin in my heart, tried to bury Your grace And then alone in the night I still call out for You So ashamed of my life, my life, my life
Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to? Be thankful when you don't know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow. Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement. Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons. Be thankful when you're tired and weary, because it means you've made a difference.
It's easy to be thankful for the good things. A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks. Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive. Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings.
What happened to me this morning? Lesson of forgiveness, faith & detachment...
There I was gasping, eyes opened wide, looking at my rear view mirror… as I just sat there and wait for the bike to hit my car. I heard the loud bang, watched from the side mirror how the motorcyclist got up … I turned on the double signal, and slowly maneuvered to the side of the road. Getting out of the car was difficult with the busy morning traffic – buses, taxis, cars, motorcycles. Bumper – scratches, didn’t realize the dent on the left rear & the broken signal light. Couldn’t catch sight of the fella who hit me, all I saw was just the blurring sight of lots and lots of motorcycles, wheezing past, zig-zagging their way through the as many buses and cars. I quickly got back in the car. Checked the car again when I reached office – then only I saw the dent and the signal light – sigh… Tested and sadder still to acknowledge I can’t even open the ‘mini door’ to pump petrol.
The above was what happened to me this morning on the way to work; after the car in front stopped abruptly to avoid a bus cutting out into the middle lane where I was on. I managed to stop with ease because I was about 2 cars’ distance from the other car. But the bike! He was just going too fast, …
No, I did not manage to take down his number and I do not yet know what is the financial damage. All I know is … I want to give thanks to God for keeping me safe – that it is a bike; and not a bigger vehicle which hit mine. Thank God that I am alright and that I am still rather composed post-event. Thank God that he is alright too – that he chose to hit me, instead of colliding with the bus. A lesson of forgiveness in it for me, perhaps and a lesson of faith that the Lord will provide… Could also be a lesson to show me how attached I could be to my car.
Middle-aged, dowdy, with thick eyebrows and an unfortunate gait, she couldn’t have looked less like a star. She may be the surprise winner of Britain’s Got Talent after she stunned Simon Cowell with her remarkable voice.
Unemployed and single, the 47-year-old has thick, unkempt hair and bushy eyebrows, and downy fuzz is noticeable across parts of her face.
Who is this we are talking about? If you don't already know by now - she's SUSAN BOYLE.
Miss Boyle told presenters Ant and Dec that she lived alone with just her cat Pebbles for company. She said: ‘I’ve never been married. I’ve never even been kissed.’She then stomped across the stage and began clumsily gyrating her hips towards the judges, prompting laughter from the audience.
A smirking Cowell asked her who she would like to emulate, to which she replied, ‘Elaine Paige.’‘I would love to be in musical theatre. I have just never had the opportunity,’ she added.
Moments later, the music mogul and fellow judges Amanda Holden and Piers Morgan were left speechless by her powerful rendition of ‘I Dreamed A Dream’ from Les Miserables. The audience gave her a deserving standing ovation and cheered as she finished the song.
Such a corresponding song chosen and sung:
"I had a dream my life would be So different from this hell I'm living So different now from what it seemed Now life has killed the dream I dreamed"
Susan mentioned about her dream, and people just smirked and sneered. Her dream had not been realised prior to her Britain's Got Talent victory - because she wasn't given the opportunity.
People loved her because she's like so many of us (& probably because some of us laughed at her in the first place and feel guilty thereafter!).
So many of us dreamed a dream ... but life had killed our dreams. Trying to survive in this world, trying not to lag behind in the rat race, trying to match up to our neighbours... had all killed the flame of our dream.
I remember having this conversation with my sister few months ago. I asked her, "If you could do anything you like, without any hindrance, you know, like having to take care of your kids, no money, etc - what would your dream be?"
Too often we live to please others, we do and do and do and do, trying so hard to achieve what is success in other people's eyes to gain acceptance. We have forgotten to be ourselves. Fundamentally, like I have mentioned before - we are called human beings, and not human doings.
As for Susan, I do sincerely hope she will realise her dream.
'Tis more noble to forgive, and more manly to despise, than to revenge an injury. - Benjamin Franklin
i had been having this controversial thought in my mind for the last 2 years. should i rejoice when i see a fella who had hurt me and caused me much injustice one day suffer? i could have taken revenge easily, but i chose not to... cause i have always believed that 天有眼... and therefore, i left it to the One to take avenge for me. well, the world would say it's only fair we repay kindness with kindness, cruelty with cruelty. yeah, an eye for an eye - will make the world goes blind.
well... living a super luxurious life, going for holidays half way round the globe and all - are all mere superficial stuffs as i had guessed. thankfully, this person is my history. and because i know him so well, i know somehow, he will fall. not because he is a failure, but because he has failed to see beyond his own hypocrisy and pretentious lifestyle.
tell me - what good is it if you live an empty life? when your mortgages are overdue and banks are calling you every other day? when your car has been towed by the bank? when you are blacklisted by all banks? when you have lost the one you loved, for the one you lusted? when you have caused grief and sadness in your family? when you have lost the respect from your younger siblings? trade all these with a life filled with alcohol, women, travel and gambling??? how silly...
i m not a very noble person. now at this point, all i can say is that the taste of revenge is not sweet. it's just a comfort and encouragement to know i have not 'suffered' in vain, and that there's still 天理, justice. 人善天不欺， 簡單一個道理。
i do hope still, one day, he'd come to his senses and change his way...before he loses everything, including his family, his friend, or even his life.
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The above was what happened to me this morning on the way to work; after the car in front stopped abruptly to avoid a bus cutting out into the middle lane where I was on. I managed to stop with ease because I was about 2 cars’ distance from the other car. But the bike! He was just going too fast, …