Monday, December 28, 2009


心關在門里就變成"悶"。。。 所以處事待人要拿個heart出來。

好多時候,我拿個心對人,卻往往得到嘅係背板,別人唔領情,等等。 付出真心,換來嘅卻係傷心,付出的一片真誠,得回係一桶眼淚。 點解?

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas greetings!

Friday, December 11, 2009

The chapter of PPBOP closes...

...finally today with a last session of farewell lunch.
A lunch that was postponed for 3+ weeks. Still, the thought counts, and a lot at that.
However that marks the last line of the PPBOP's chapter in my life. As a chapter ends, another has begun. I was actually thinking to myself, "Why did I gave up the comforts of PPBOP?" Work is crazy these days, I have not seen the daylight ever since I am in this new work place, save for the first day. Hopefully I catch up real fast.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

忙, 茫, 盲, 亡


在參與wake service時,聽到一番很深入我心的話。

大概就是這樣 -

生活在現代社會的我們,很多時候以為自己身不由己的在屏 - 屏命著為生活而努力,卻往往失去了生命的意義。從白天忙到晚,為了只是生活。 甚至有些人卻為了生活,卻掉了自己的生命。





Friday, November 27, 2009





Monday, November 23, 2009

Day 1

Today marks the first day I start at the new workplace.

I woke up nervous, in fact I was nervous since a couple of days ago. Thankfully I managed to get quite a good night sleep. Woke up earlier than I usually do on a workday because 1) I don't want to be late, especially not on the first day at the job 2) I have to walk for at least 10 minutes from the parking place to the new office 3) The working hour starts earlier.

Well, it's an odd feeling driving to work. I am basically driving the same route I have taken over the past few years. The journey's the same, but the destination has changed. I tried my best not to mesmerize the good old times too much. Of course, I won't forget the memories, but at the same time, I need to move on and look forward.

I like my new place. I have a nice cubicle with a nice view of the KL Tower. And you know what's peculiar? I was seated in between two of my former bosses. Funny.

The Bank has gone through so much changes and restructuring over the 7 1/2 years I had been gone. So, on my first day there, I spent the whole day 'studying'. So very the hardworking!!! :) But it's kinda boring sitting there alone, no more colleagues for me to kacau within 'talking' distance... now I had to get up and walked quite a distance to find someone to kacau. Problem is I have yet to find my 'victims', hehe.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

My Ambition

Remember those days in school when the homework of the day is to write an essay on your ambition? Remember what you wrote?

As for me, I never failed to write down my ambition to be a teacher. Yes, I can hear your groan and snicker. Or was that my own? Anyhow, that was what my mum asked me to write. I never wanted to be a teacher. Nope, the 5 day weeks and months of holidays in a year were tempting but no.

Deep inside, top on my list - I wanted to be a newscaster. Those days, I admire people like Mahadzir Lokman, Patrick Teoh and Wan Zaleha Radzi. Amazing that I could still remember their names after 20 odd years, when I have forgotten countless names, even of those I have just met in college. That goes to show how deeply etched were their influence in me. I guess I was just mesmerized by how well they could speak with just few glances at the paper. Amazing! Hey, I was in primary school - I didn't know then that there was a TV with rolling script right next to the camera, ok???

I was even thinking that it doesn't matter if I don't read the news on TV, I wouldn't have mind doing it on radio. I guess I simply love reading and had always loved to read aloud. Even to this day.

Next up, I wanted to be a lawyer. It seems so much like a glamorous job (& pays well). Of course, fate has it that my parents could not afford to send me to law school. No, that was just an excuse. fact is I am just not smart enough nor have that much hard disk space to contain those thicker than the Bible endless volumes of books. I guess I was lucky not ending up to be a lawyer, I don't think I would have survived in that tough arena.

So, I end up where I am now. Still searching at times on what I want to do, what I like to do, what I can do and what I end up doing. However, ambition is an important fuel to life, it gives us hope, it gives us something to dream about, it gives us something to look forward to... (and it gives us something to blog about when we have one week break from work!)

Stop dreaming, and you'll stop living.

Fare Thee Well

Dedicated to my fellow colleagues in PPBOP

15 May 2002 - The first day I stepped into PPBOP as an employee.
13 November 2009 - The last day I stepped out from PPBOP as an employee.

These 7 1/2 years had been truly memorable and meaningful... and probably miserable, at times too. In the initial years, I was quite sure that I'd be in this place for a long, long time; and it had never crossed my mind that 'long, long time' registered the full stop mark at 7 1/2 years.

The decision to leave had never been easy. I had deliberated for 6 months. Even after officially submitting my resignation and turning down the so-called counter offer, I still felt so overwhelmed with sadness. I was sad to leave, but happy to go. Still for most of the time, the sadness overshadowed the excitement undeniably.

Well, parting and leaving a job is all part of growing up, no? Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. The moment has come when I think it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come.

To my friends who had grown with me these years, I will surely remember you. People will always forget what we said, even what we did... but they will never forget how you make them feel. The last couple of weeks, you had made me feel extra special and blessed.

Man's feelings are always purest and most glowing in the hour of meeting and of farewell. ~Jean Paul Richter

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~Carol Sobieski and Thomas Meehan, Annie

Now that goodbye and farewell are inevitable, I just trust with all my heart, that we part so that we may meet again.

Keep in touch.

Monday, November 16, 2009



Saturday, October 31, 2009



從來亦無自信 人云亦云 庸庸碌碌半生  
連自己的戀愛運 也欠一點決心
為何望來望去 仍無下文 明明彼此有同感  
難道等一天變做熟人 發現原來相襯
現在還未說 纏綿情節會
遲來一秒鐘 遲疑一秒鐘    
遲來一秒鐘 沿途經過和結局
遲遲未預備 第一句愛你    
拖一拖 等一等
怕得到 得來
拖一拖 等一等
這刻的感動 變做裂縫
良辰就如白費 明明動情  
提示很不足 但你的態度
明明在附近 又不告訴你
拖一拖 等一等   
怕這點 激情 最後和緩
拖一拖 等一等
終於知 表白 刻不容緩

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


但是我是否應該啞口道別? 有些事情可能不是非得到答案不可,至是覺得不甘心,耿耿于懷。有時候覺得你好比那燃燒的太陽,不懂月亮的盈缺。


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I did it...finally

Just tendered my resignation earlier this afternoon. After very much contemplation & deliberation (it took me months to be this determined to leave) - I feel that the time is ripe for me to bid farewell to this place, after 7 1/2 years. With a heavy heart...

It feels real sad to leave, but I guess I am happy to go. As for the friendships that I have built over the years, the wonderful people I have been honoured to be affiliated with - I hope we will meet again someday.

Looking forward & moving on ...

to unknown's entirely a new area for me. So I may have to work extra hard - imagine a primary school kid going for a degree course, that's how I am perceiving this new challenge presented to me. Well, if I was not to waste good opportunities, I might as well take it up while I still think I have the stamina & competitive advantage to do so. I mean, how bad can it be, right?

Plus I may actually position myself nearer to that small sub-set space in the middle...

Sunday, October 18, 2009


昨天,有位朋友與我分享了以下的video,超感動。。。眼淚也不受控制的掉了下來。 有時候,真的很怕,很怕會失去;卻又拿不出勇氣去爭取。













Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Officially 33

who today officially turns

This birthday, I feel especially happy and proud because I did something truly meaningful - I have just pledged to be a proud donor to UNICEF. It's always more blessed to give than to receive. So on a day where gifts and well wishes are the norm, I decided to sign up as a donor & be on the giving end, instead. Join me (if you haven't already done the same), will you? Here's to greater days ahead for all - cheers.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Birthday wish granted

Mum had finally been discharged from the hospital this evening after 13 days :) Just need to do follow up with the gastro specialist and surgical clinic.

Final diagnosis:
1) Cholecystitis & acute pancreatitis (but defintely not cute) - which basically means gallstones blocking the cystic duct causing inflammation to the pancreas and gall bladder.

2) Septicemia (sepsis) - inflammation in the blood, causing her to have high fever for days.

All in all, I am just relieved that she's alright now. Thanks to all who prayed and supported us.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Appendicitis, gastritis, pancreatitis, what's next?

Mum was admitted to GH late Wednesday nite, when she complained of severe gastric pain. Now it's end of Day 4 and no diagnosis yet, pending further tests. From suspected appendicitis to gastritis and finally this morning, pancreatitis... I hope tomorrow the new term I will hear is "Your mum is fit to go home."

If you pray, remember her in your prayers. Thanks.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Photography, art and ...

Photography is an art. Just like an artpiece, each photo reflects the photographer's view of the subject, the photographer's state of mind, the photographer's point of view, the photographer's emotions at the time when the shot was framed and the shutter button pressed.

Recently I was taking some photos at a friend's wedding. Yeah, that was the task that I blogged about in the last two entries.

So, what inspires this third entry? I was having a casual chat with one of my friends. He commented that somehow the photos I took evoked a feeling of sadness. He was actually the first person who thinks that way. Other friends who have seen the same set of photos have commented otherwise. Hmmm, how interesting.

It makes me think and hence, the conclusion I get is per the first para. But it doesn't stop there. To every person who sees the photo, they will in turn form their own interpretation of what they see, think and feel or their perception of what story the photographer is trying to tell.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

C+ for self

Yes, that's the grade that I am giving myself. It was a hectic Sunday - left home by 9.30am, and by the time I reached home it was already 11pm. Overall I had fun, a very good learning experience.

At certain points, I felt intimidated by my lack of skills, experience and gear, hence the previous entry. My confidence had already been shoved down the drains due to somebody's comments earlier in the week. Yet time and again I remind myself - "Photography is more than just your skills, your gear or even your creativity. It's about your heart." Every click of the camera, every push of the shutter button - let it come from your heart. Maybe some would feel that I am just making excuses but excuse me, can you deny that each photo tells a story, each picture a thousand tales?

So, over the weekend, I felt I have learned so much more than I anticipated. It's not about acquiring new skills - it's about discovering what I am good at and what I suck at. And with that knowledge, looking forward to continuosly improve myself. One step at a time, at my own pace.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

to relax and do it well

just a friendly reminder to self - relax and do it well. no point stressing yourself out and end up all kelam kabut. u know yourself well enough, to know that when you are all nerves and panic, you lose focus and you will blank out. so, just go out there - relax, have fun and do it well.

Friday, September 11, 2009

156/88 160/89 180/80

That's my mum's BP for yesterday, this morning and a while ago!

Those numbers are sending my pressure upwards too.

Mum called me around 6pm, complaining of her high BP. She wanted me to take her to the doc. At first I didn't know that it was that high. When I saw those numbers, I nearly fainted. Yes, she had occasional high BP moments, but not as high as this consecutively.

I am worried, though - I just hope and pray she will be alright.

Monday, September 7, 2009


李克勤首“愛不釋手” - 有段歌詞係咁嘅 - 預了拖得你手便要分得了手。

一開始都預了到我哋并不會長久。所以,都唔算太傷嘅。分手,反而係一種解脫。至少依家我知道真係唔work,唔再係一場guessing game。


祝彼此: 幸福快樂。

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Lost my mind

Needed to shop around for dresses, the months of wedding dinners are here. So there I was, happily flipping through racks of clothes at those boutiques along the streets of Telawi.

Unfortunately, or rather fortunately - no dress caught my fancy. So I decided to continue my hunt elsewhere.

Whilst I was waiting in line to pay my parking, I was rummaging my bag for my wallet. Coin purse, notebook, hand lotion, a story book, ... hmmm, where is my wallet? I stopped myself before I panic and start to pour all my bag contents on the floor, in the middle of Bangsar Village.

I reminded myself to keep cool, and started to walk to my car to try find some loose change and notes.

All the way I was thinking to myself, how careless and mindless I was. I was without any form of identification on me, no legal proof that I can drive on the road, no money save for a couple of Ringgits in my coin purse plus those loose change I keep in the car. I wasn't worried that I dropped my wallet, I was quite sure I had left it at home.

Good thing was I had more than enough to pay for parking. I dare not go elsewhere, except home... I mean, where else could I go with no IC, license and money?

I have been known as a blur person, even careless at times. I have had experiences of forgetting stuffs, but I guess this was the furthest I have gone away from home without my wallet. Hope it won't happen again.

After Thoughts
1) The moment I realised I forgot my wallet, I was virtually 'scrolling' through my list of friends - thinking of who is the best person to call for help. Which of my friend will, despite whatever they are doing at the moment, come & rescue me? Would you?

2) As to why it happened, I guess my mind was abducted by some strange creature named 'man'. Not only these creatures capable of stealing your hearts, they can do likewise with your minds. My dear female friends, be wary; and don't say I didn't warn you.

Friday, September 4, 2009




問問自己點解對你還係咁反感? 係咪真係連朋友都做唔成? 所以你試著要透過Friendster, Facebook之余此類與我聯系,我都唔肯與你扯上任何關系。好遺憾。。。我發覺我還會怪你;我嘅心仲係會痛。好痛。



Monday, August 31, 2009


Made a blunder, am all nerves about it. How-lah?!

Friday, August 28, 2009

a ray of hope?

or just another wrong assumption?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

of opportunities, choices n decisions

People say good opportunities do not come often, strike while the iron is still hot.

Being a risk averse person, I am very kiasi. No guts to just go and strike the iron. Some people think it's envious that I have choices - but it's more like because I do not have a choice, that I have to look for options.

To go ahead or not no longer seems like an option - it's gonna be the only way, sooner or later. Too broken hearted and heart sick with the empty promises and injustice, I just feel that I have to let go to prevent further injury to my soul. Question is only when is the right time to do so. And whether the next journey that I take on will take me through the scenery I wish to see.

Things fall apart so that other things can fall together, right?

Saturday, August 15, 2009

I Don’t Want to Rest in Pieces like Final Destination

I am horrified...

coz I just couldn't imagine life without my dearest friends.

But I guess I'd be even more horrified if I don't get my hands on those free passes for the Premiere Screening to watch Final Destination - Rest in Pieces, courtesy of Warner Brothers Pictures and Fox Malaysia.

As for my friends, when I get those tix, you are definitely coming with me and have a holla-ri-ific time together!

Friday, August 7, 2009


vision now - blur

location now - crossroads
state of mind now - as illustrated

Sunday, August 2, 2009

因為,愛 如果,愛 所以,愛 依然,愛

不是為了什麼回報 所以關懷

不是為了什麼明天 所以期待

那些想太多的人 有生之年都不會理解
因為愛 所以愛 

Monday, July 20, 2009

I thought ...

... or so I thought.

Seems like I have thought wrong.


Oh, well - I have gone through and survived more challenging times - this shouldn't knock me out. 加油!

我知道一廂情願想是我太認真, 偏偏我相信自己相信緣份。

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Correlation between filial piety and tiredness

I have once said "she may have more than 1 child, but i only have 1 mother."

Filial piety ... I must confess I am not good at it at all. Sometimes, I wonder why I am always the who needs to take leave and accompany my mum for her medical appointments, etc? Why not my brother? Why not my sister? (My sis did occassionally took turns with me, when it's really hard for me to take off) Why not my brother in law, or sister in law? She is half their mother, too - right?

Sigh... I am tired of being a good and doting daughter at times. Like now.
At times like now when life is throwing me more lemons that I can't make lemonade fast enough - I start to feel that it's an extra burden added upon my shoulder. How can I think that way??? I am sorry, mum... I don't love you any less. It's just hard sometimes to let you know that "it's me, it's not you". Sorry if I have not talked to you in a very nice tone. Sorry I get impatient so easily.

I really do love matter what. I have only got one 'you' - You may not really be the best mother in the world, neither am I the best daughter - but together we strive to be the best we could be for the other.

And ok, I will make you a glass of lemonade next time you drop by my place! :)

Friday, July 17, 2009



我唔想再念。 就直接俾個答案我啦。