took a day off work yesterday ... to read on a hospital bed.
in fact i took a nap, watched the TV & had my breakfast, lunch, tea break & dinner on there as well. i was in the hospital from 6am to 7pm... fortunately, i didnt have to spend the night.
i was actually waiting for my mother - who was admitted as a day-care patient in the ophtamalogy ward of HKL. she had her cataract surgery. she's fine now, and resting at home.
mum, moments before she's being brought to the operating theatre
the furthest i could go with her - no stepping beyond the red line!
people who knew about me taking a day off to accompany my mum yesterday had the following remarks:
"wow, such a good daughter." "that's so filial of you." etc etc
my response: not really. as i looked at my mum's frail silhoutte (she seems to have lost lots of weight over the years) and her sometimes helplessness (helpless does not equal to hopeless or useless, ok?) - i felt bad & a tinge of guilt overwhelmed me. i realised i had not been a good daughter after all, as some would have assumed. tho' i wasnt the naughtiest kid on the block, i did made her angry & had to beat me up countless times when i was young. in her words yesterday - 打你都是因为要教你 (to beat you is to teach you). mum was a firm believer of sparing the rod, spoiling the child.
even in my adult life, i have caused her lots of heartaches... & i don't know how many more times i broke her heart. i wish... i could make it up to her someway, somehow, someday.
just taking a day off work, and spending it with her is nothing - compared to the sacrifices she had made and how she had taken care of me when i was young. she may have more than 1 child, but i only have 1 mother. there were & are & will still be times when we cant see eye to eye - but at least, we can feel heart to heart.