Wednesday, November 12, 2008
the hardest part is still letting go. when i thought i have let go... current circumstances remind me that i had not FULLY let go.
it's kinda tempting to take revenge. revenge is so easily attainable. however, my conscience stopped me. for all the hurts that had been caused to me, i could easily justify my vengeance. i believe that somehow, someday, you will see it coming back to you. it will haunt you. and that is the greatest revenge, no?
it kills me at times and drives me crazy knowing that you are living such a 'happy' life. yea... happy on the outside, but empty on the inside. nobody out there knows what's going on in your private life. but i do know. and because i know, i take delight. and also because i know, i smirked at your so-called happy mask. i sneered at the fact of how much you are of a hypocrite.
i can still remember clearly on one incident - my words to you were these, "you will owe for the rest of your life." and yes, you will. no, it's not only about the financials. it's more than that. and you know it.
why am i still bothered about all these? have i not cut you out from my life? i thought i have let go fully... but i guess, i may not. not when i still am struggling here, trying to clean up the shit you left behind while looking at you going on with life as if nothing has gone wrong. someday i will be able to live my life again, the way i want it, and not bound and haunted by the things you did. someday, i will... and when that day comes, i am confident then i would have fully let go.
letting go comes from the heart... 真正的放開是打從心里啟動的