happy birthday to me!

给亲爱的自己： 生日快乐 ！

昨晚的我好迟训。。。为了等他的一通电话。 之前佢讲唔会打俾我，因为怕太夜，叫我先训。但係我话我会等。 结果放工到家都已经9点多。。。睇下电视，发下白日梦，唔惊唔觉就已经凌晨1点多。依然无乜睡意，但係觉得再唔训，怕今日训唔醒。

刚爬上床，电话就响起。係佢！！！ 虽然係短短的几分钟，心里却很甜。 :)

已经半年无与佢见面，心里那份牵挂很难形容。 短短的一通电话足以让我带笑入睡。仿佛好似佢就係我身边，抱住一样。 唔知何时何日可以让呢果情景变为现实。

**********************************************************************************

my birthday this year is much more happier than the last. even though last year - i celebrated it with a vacation, whilst i m slogging like a dog now, my heart is so much lighter. and because of that i am happy.

happiness could be so temporal, but true joy always spring from within. we could be enjoying ourselves with multitudes around us, but whether the feeling or the emotions stay - that's another matter.

just a phone call from a special someone could make me smile as i go to sleep. the few minutes brought hours, possibly days of warmth in the heart. :) hmmmm... i seem to be still on a 'high' that i couldnt really describe the special effect that phone call had on me.

**********************************************************************************

just side track a little - as i was getting out of the house this morning to go to work, someone left two teddy bears at my door. sweet? the gesture - yes, but the giver isnt really someone on my good list. i know i sound ungrateful. actually the teddies were from my ex. it was a promise made by him, years ago - that to every country he flies to, he will bring back a teddy for me. when i saw the teddies, i felt neither happy nor sad. i just shrugged it off and rushed off to work. in my heart, i just felt that if he was one who had kept his promises back then, we could have still be together to this day. so what's the point of keeping the promises now?

good thing was that it didnt dampen my moods or anything. in fact, i feel i couldnt care less. well, at least he didnt go crazy and throw poisonous snakes at my door, right?

well... i m glad to say that i have returned the teddies to him. i just put them back at his door. he's actually staying next door ... i m just glad that i did that.

**********************************************************************************

so...note to self:

happy birthday. have a blast, live a great life - coz you deserve one. do not let unworthy things or people distract you of your goals and dreams. remember, being happy is a choice. do what you need to do. live life the best you can.

(please dont say i m a self-obsessed 自恋狂 - i believe we need to be able to accept and love ourselves, before we can expect others to accept and love us)