Slow Dance

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?

When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
'Cause you never had time
To call and say, "Hi"

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

©David L. Weatherford

夢想

曾經以為“終點”已靠近，後來發現只係“休息站”；“夢想”離我那麼近卻那麼遠。

有一段時期，我以為“終點”真係好近自己。 我拼命咁追，爭取每一個機會。。。甚至由一個被動嘅人，試著改變自己變到更加主動。

結果兜兜轉轉，過開一年多。 我醒悟啦。果個“終點”只不過係一個幻覺。

“休息站” ，我呢個過路人要告別啦。 我要繼續我嘅路程，去追尋我嘅“夢想”。保重！

心情 19 Sept 2010

唔再討愛
告別悲哀
記得感慨
減少傷害
雖則退出比賽
人生依然精彩

Sad when I have come to realise that...

I am never a part of your world, that all these while I had merely been an outsider... or at least that's how you made me feel. No matter how hard I try, I still couldn't create a space in your heart for me. Who am I to you?
To the world, you may be nobody. To some, you may be the world.

Fire!

The deafening sounds of the siren distracted me from my TV show ... I was wondering, "Why the siren so loud & near? The police is chasing some wanted fellas, is it?..." Yup, for the life of me, I couldn't differentiate the sirens of an ambulance, a fire engine or a police car.

I decided to take a peek, then I saw it - 3 fire engines down there & another one on the way. My heart beat so fast, my first thoughts "I better grab whatever and run..." I then noticed that the fire engines were parked near the block next to mine, and not at my block, I slowed myself down to just examine the situation more thoroughly.

The fire should be at Level 18 of the next block. Can't see much else, as the unit(s) affected is facing the other side. I stood there to watch for a few minutes, before deciding it to be safe enough not to go down.



Texted a few friends, ... and asked some to pray for peace & everyone to be safe. No ambulance sighted, so it's a a good sign.



Memorable day... my second time witnessing a fire so near. The first time was when I was a small kid, in my early primary school years. In the middle night, as I watch the one of the shoplots across the bare piece of land (large piece of land which now house the Pudu LRT station) burned.



God, please take care of those affected by the fire. Please also grant me a peaceful rest.

心情 - 4 August 2010

若然說我不是你杯茶，倒不如你換下口味啦。

這些曖昧的日子。。。是因為我不是你杯茶，還是你怕？

A day in GH

Mum had to be admitted early today, as her cataract op was scheduled on Tuesday.

After more than half a day in the hospital (I spent sleeping almost 3 hours on the hospital bed, an hour or so reading & the rest just idling/chatting with mum/texting friends) - the doc finally concluded that my mum's eye is not ready for the op. Possibility of infection is high. So, by 5.30 pm (we reached there 8-ish in the morning), we were leaving for home.

I guess the Lord has the right timing for her. She had not been particularly 'peaceful' on the op this time round, and neither do I. Thank You, Lord for answering my prayers.

曖昧no more!

不能讓自己再處於曖昧狀態。 當我堅決地放棄，為何你偏偏要靠近？

。。。還是我想多了。唉。

Slow Down Therapy

In this fast-paced world, we are so used to the hustle bustle, so used to rush about, trying to work against the clock. We need to remember that sometimes, 'slow' doen't mean losing out, or being left behind.

Got this from Cybersalt Digest, thought of sharing this...

1. Slow down; God is still in heaven. You are not responsible for doing it all yourself, right now.
2. Remember a happy, peaceful time in your past. Rest there. Each moment has richness that takes a lifetime to savor.
3. Set your own pace. When someone is pushing you, it's OK to tell them they're pushing.
4. Take nothing for granted: watch water flow, the corn grow, the leaves blow, your neighbor mow.
5. Taste your food. God gives it to delight as well as to nourish.
6. Notice the sun and the moon as they rise and set. They are remarkable for their steady pattern of movement, not their speed.
7. Quit planning how you're going to use what you know, learn, or possess. God's gifts just are; be grateful and their purpose will be clear.
8. When you talk with someone, don't think about what you'll say next. Thoughts will spring up naturally if you let them.
9. Talk and play with children. It will bring out the unhurried little person inside you.
10. Create a place in your home...at your work...in your heart...where you can go for quiet and recollection. You deserve it.
11. Allow yourself time to be lazy and unproductive. Rest isn't luxury; it's a necessity.
12. Listen to the wind blow. It carries a message of yesterday and tomorrow - and now. NOW counts.

13. Rest on your laurels. They bring comfort whatever their size, age, or condition.
14. Talk slower. Talk less. Don't talk. Communication isn't measured by words.
15. Give yourself permission to be late sometimes. Life is for living, not scheduling.
16. Listen to the song of a bird; the complete song. Music and nature are gifts, but only if you are willing to receive them.
17. Take time just to think. Action is good and necessary, but it's fruitful only if we muse, ponder, and mull.
18. Make time for play-the things you like to do. Whatever your age, your inner child needs re-creation.
19. Watch and listen to the night sky. It speaks.
20. Listen to the words you speak, especially in prayer.
21. Learn to stand back and let others take their turn as leaders. There will always be new opportunities for you to step out in front again.
22. Divide big jobs into little jobs. If God took six days to create the universe, can you hope to do any better?
23. When you find yourself rushing and anxious, stop. Ask yourself "WHY?" you are rushing and anxious. The reasons may improve your self-understanding.
24. Take time to read the Bible. Thoughtful reading is enriching reading.
25. Direct your life with purposeful choices, not with speed and efficiency. The best musician is one who plays with expression and meaning, not the one who finishes first.

26. Take a day off alone; make a retreat. You can learn from monks and hermits without becoming one.
27. Pet a furry friend. You will give and get the gift of now.
28. Work with your hands. It frees the mind.
29. Take time to wonder. Without wonder, life is merely existence.
30. Sit in the dark. It will teach you to see and hear, taste and smell.
31. Once in a while, turn down the lights, the volume, the throttle, the invitations. Less really can be more.
32. Let go. Nothing is usually the hardest thing to do - but often it is the best.
33. Take a walk - but don't go anywhere. If you walk just to get somewhere, you sacrifice the walking.
34. Count your friends. If you have one, you are lucky. If you have more, you are blessed. Bless them in return.
35. Count your blessings - one at a time and slowly.

Lesson of forgiveness, faith & detachment

What happened to me this morning? Lesson of forgiveness, faith & detachment...

There I was gasping, eyes opened wide, looking at my rear view mirror… as I just sat there and wait for the bike to hit my car. I heard the loud bang, watched from the side mirror how the motorcyclist got up … I turned on the double signal, and slowly maneuvered to the side of the road. Getting out of the car was difficult with the busy morning traffic – buses, taxis, cars, motorcycles. Bumper – scratches, didn’t realize the dent on the left rear & the broken signal light. Couldn’t catch sight of the fella who hit me, all I saw was just the blurring sight of lots and lots of motorcycles, wheezing past, zig-zagging their way through the as many buses and cars. I quickly got back in the car. Checked the car again when I reached office – then only I saw the dent and the signal light – sigh… Tested and sadder still to acknowledge I can’t even open the ‘mini door’ to pump petrol.

The above was what happened to me this morning on the way to work; after the car in front stopped abruptly to avoid a bus cutting out into the middle lane where I was on. I managed to stop with ease because I was about 2 cars’ distance from the other car. But the bike! He was just going too fast, …

No, I did not manage to take down his number and I do not yet know what is the financial damage. All I know is … I want to give thanks to God for keeping me safe – that it is a bike; and not a bigger vehicle which hit mine. Thank God that I am alright and that I am still rather composed post-event. Thank God that he is alright too – that he chose to hit me, instead of colliding with the bus. A lesson of forgiveness in it for me, perhaps and a lesson of faith that the Lord will provide… Could also be a lesson to show me how attached I could be to my car.

心情。。。

是曾經，還是將會；是過去，還是未來；是理想，還是妄想；是計劃，還是逃避。。。


迷茫-ing...

Pudu Jail?

...what Pudu Jail? It's history now.

From Wikipedia.

First built in 1891 along Jalan Hang Tuah, the prison was built in stages by the British colonial government, and was completed in 1895. The construction began with its 394-metre prison wall at a cost of RM$16,000, and had been adorned with the world's longest mural at one point in its history. Circa 1911, Richard Alfred Ernest Clark, a former soldier of the third battalion of the Middlesex Regiment, was one of the European warders in the history of Pudu.

Sadly, the mural wall of the 115-year-old Pudu Jail was demolished on 21 June 2010 amid protesting honks of cars along Jalan Pudu. Demolition of the 394-metre Pudu Jail wall fronting Jalan Pudu started at 10.10pm as hundreds of onlookers shouted their dismay while snapping last photographs of the historic wall.

Sad... but what has it gotta to do with me?

Pudu is essentially my hometown - born and grew up here, went to school here (except in college years), even worked (& working) around here. I still remember those days when I was young (in the 80s) - I could see the inmates painting the mural. I can still recall seeing them finger-painted the leaves on the trees.

The mural featuring peaceful scenes of nature was painted by prisoner Khong Yen Chong and other inmates as community service in the early 1980s. It entered the Guinness Book of Records as the longest mural in the world at 394 metres completed in one year using 2,000 litres of paint. (Source: Malaysian Insider)

I don't really understand why the government went ahead with the demolition despite the objection and protests from so many sectors. They destroyed a part of history just like that. I am sure if they had worked at it harder and put in more effort - they could have came up with some better ways to preserve this part of history, rather than wipe it all off save for the main entrance. I think besides the prison's building, the mural wall was truly significant - it had been the landmark of Pudu for almost 30 over years.

I hate it...

when promises are not kept.

Are all bosses the same? Selfish? And not keeping their words?

What was promised me were not fulfilled, but somehow they will find excuses/reasons to justify for their (non) action. Disappointing and demotivating. Should I voice out? Or should I just bite my lips, clench my teeth and keep silent... while waiting for the right time to go?

Some people choose to 'fight back' whilst I choose the other way - I just feel that if I have to open my mouth to fight for it, it just loses the meaning. Maybe I am just too egoistic... or I am just trying to hang on to the last inch of my integrity or self-pride or whatever-you-call-it ... or I am just silly to just let people manipulate me...or maybe I just have no guts.

Sad.

Sad coz... I didn't get to drink one of my fave soup - lotus root with peanuts. More sad coz... I indirectly made my mum felt guilty.

After work today, I had to fetch mum to her doctor's place in Taman Desa. As I didn't have time to have dinner, she packed dinner for me from home. Almost reaching the destination, I commented that the food smells great; I was really hungry at that time. Then only she realised she had spilled the soup; no wonder it smells so good.

She kept saying that because she's old, therefore she's useless, can't even do a simple task right, etc. She felt so guilty that it made me feel even worse. I did not voice out my disapppointment (my fave soup!), just tried to cheer her up.

I know lately many things had been causing her anxiety, my siblings' health, my nephew's health...even though, she had not been feeling well herself. 养儿一百，长优九十九。

...

How do I...

...know that I have really loved someone sincerely & deeply?

A year ago, when I was asked whether I would take him back, I'd surely & without doubt said "No." Today, I still hold the same answer... difference is I hesistated for a second or two. I know I have truly loved him...despite all.

But that was the past.

I had moved on. In the search of someone who could make me love with all my heart & soul again, and loves me the same.

You'll never live until you have loved with all your heart and soul.

三个人的不对等。。。

可悲的我是那第三个人。




你是好人 也是個壞人
對我坦承 只為了朝他狂奔
不能放任 所以放了
這點痛我還能忍

三個人從不對等
總有個人必須犧牲
那永恆 就等他帶你完成

心情

驾车回家的途中，脑袋不停的转，想了很多想写下的点滴。。。现在，脑袋却空白，那些思考的思绪一定是掉在路上了。

最近真的好down。 我终于决定暂别他。。。什么都不想再做，不会再理会他的近况，不想再付出关心。暂别，我不懂会耐几久。也许真的是暂别。也许会切切底底地，知难而退。

为何要让自己再次伤心，为何要给人家机会去伤害我？我累了。我真的不懂一颗破碎的心可以再承受几多次伤害。我真的不懂。

以后的路会是一条大道或是是条死路，我也不想再想了。现在的我，只想擦干眼泪，让心情平复。以后的事以后再说。

百感交集

落花有意随流水
流水无意恋落花
多少好花落空尽
不曾遇着赏花人

虽然还没有正式向你求证，我却打定了输数。最近，就是由我们彼此从国外回来，我就觉得彼此好像有了一股莫名其妙的距离。 在还没出国前，我倒觉得距离拉得那么近，也开始相信我们是有未来的。隔了短短的两星期，一切都变了。感觉上你突然很想避开我，对我的态度也凉多了。到底发生了什么事？我也不敢问。可能一直以来都是我一厢情愿。也不明白为何会那么伤感，连眼泪都不空而泻下。

谁能给我那么一点点的勇气去面对你？你又是否可以给我一个小小的平台去说我想说的话吗？我真的不想在猜想了。迟早都该有要有个了解，有个了结。我不会强人所难。感情不可以勉强。

心情

当一个人心灰意冷，对人性有了真实残忍的了解之后，要去爱另一个人，就需要以用尽力气与生命的勇气，因为不再蒙懂，也不再单纯。

A Strong Woman Versus a Woman of Strength

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape ... but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...
A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ... but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...
A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ... but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...
A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future... a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them...
A strong woman walks sure footedly... but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...
A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face... but a woman of strength wears grace...
A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey... but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...
- Marta S. Hardy

Continuing 2009 Revisited - July to Dec

June

Before moving on to July - just realised that I have missed quite a bit of happenings in June.

Church Camp in Malacca was one. Still craving for the cendol and fish ball salad now and again.

The other was the 1-day VBS we organised for the great kids from Jenjarom.

July

Half a year gone. I thought hopes were high, but it's only my thought. Nothing has worked out as yet.

Memorable in July was also the Northern excursion. Looking forward to more road trips ahead.

August

Was really thinking hard whether to resign from my job at PPBOP. Same old shit vs crazy old shit. Then decided to stay ... at least until the performance appraisal 2 months later.

September

Suffering a self esteem loss on the photography front. Felt that my photos suck. Sigh.

October

A busy month. A crazy month, actually. Mum was admitted to GH for 2 weeks.

The month I turned 33. Nothing much had changed - save for the age. A lonely birthday, but I am thankful to the friends who had shown that they cared. Still it was a meaningful day.

Decided to join AmBank and resigned from my job at PPBOP - an exceptionally difficult decision to make. Sad to be leaving all the friends and comforts - but happy to have a chance to make a change.

November

Took mum for a short holiday to Singapore.

Started a new era in AmBank.

Busy with practices for the Clickmas musical.

December

Super busy month on the job, with the VBS and Clickmas.

Ended the year with a quiet night with close friends and good sharing.

Overall, it was a good year, better than 2008. Even though there are certain puzzles that have yet to be solved, dreams that have yet to come true, wishes that have yet to be fulfilled - still, I know my life had been more meanigful. I have come to appreciate people around me even more. And I feel so blessed that these people truly care.

Welcome, 2010!

2009 Revisited - Jan to June

Not too late to reflect on the past year...I am going to do it month by month, trying to recall the best I could.

January

Ooops... I am stuck already. *thinking hard, fingers drumming on the table*

I think it was a month of uncertainties - the start of a new year brings in new hope - but yet, my heart was like a raging sea. The doubts that I had back then were resolved by Sept though when the LDR ended officially.

February

Significant events - CNY and Valentine's - Enjoyed spending quality time with family and friends in the first, but had a lonesome in the second. Will this year be different?

March

Amidst the raging sea, had fun during the Putrajaya 1st International Hot Air Balloon Fest, where I got to ride on a hot air balloon! A first in my life :)

My best friend gave birth to her princess.

April

Finally laid my hands on my 'dream' :) It's an entry level DSLR, but I am contented.


Completed a banner project with the children from church. A first for all of us.

May

Embarassingly memorable was the climb up Broga.

Was also inspired to do a special presentation for Mothers' Day, which many had commented it pulled at their hearts' strings. I hope it did not stop there.

June

I am getting slightly distracted by someone, but I have yet to solve the conundrum to-date. There are moments when I think there is so much going on between us... and yet there are times when I feel that I am nothing more than just a friend to him.

Two Zero One Zero